Dear Abby:
I need help; I’m addicted to reading your column. Every weekday morning, after I get to work, I
grab a cup of coffee with some friends and then sit down to read your column. I
feel like I can’t start my day without doing so. I look forward to Monday mornings because I
generally have at least two columns to read.
I find I read your column to see if anyone else has problems I can
relate to. I find I get a little depressed
when nothing relates to me- which, honestly is quite often as I don’t really
have unresolved issues in my life.
Because I can’t relate I find that when I have down time I start
imagining problematic situations and then dictate a letter to you asking for
advice. I also love to give advice, so I
read your column to see whether your advice meshes with mine – we’re probably compatible
50% of the time. Finally, I hate it when
you regurgitate your reader’s responses to advice you previously answered. It’s boring and adds no value to your column;
it makes you appear lazy. – AVID READER IN OREGON
Dear Avid Reader:
You sound awesome.
Lately I have been considering retiring and have been spending a great
deal of time with my publisher trying to locate a person who could fill my
shoes. I have, thus far, been unsuccessful. However, you seem to have your life in order,
love to give advice and have ideas on how you would improve my column. I think you may be a great candidate to take
over for me when I retire. Please contact
my publisher as soon as possible to discuss your options. It may be beneficial for you to provide
examples of advice you have given over the years.
Dear Abby:
I am very grateful you have considered me as a candidate to
replace you. I do believe I would be the
best candidate as the advice I have given over the years (when heeded) has been
100% accurate. In fact, I am so
committed to assisting my friends and family that I often provide assistance
even when it’s not requested. I know my
advice is invaluable and in the long run people really appreciate it when I
interfere with their lives. I am looking
forward to continuing to perfect my skills and sharing them with a broader audience.
– LIVING THE DREAM IN OREGON
Dear Living the Dream:
I’m afraid sarcasm may be lost on you.
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