The F Word

I recently started listing to a podcast from Barnard College titled “Dare to use the F Word” with F standing for feminism.  I don’t remember how I got turned on to the Podcast, but I have found listening to it has made me question my understanding of what feminism is.

The word feminist conjures up negative feelings and a picture of unkempt, angry women dressed in masculine clothes, and smelling of patchouli.  A feminist is a cross between a hippie who doesn’t care whether she meets society’s definition of beauty, and a revolutionary willing to do anything for her cause.  The desire for equality spreads into every facet of a feminist’s life.  Conversations with feminists are awkward and defensive, because all men are viewed as pigs.  A lost job opportunity is due to gender bias, not lack of qualifications and feminists ostracize women who like to wear make-up and dresses and flirt with boys.  

I’m not sure why the word feminist has such a negative connotation for me.  Weren’t suffragettes feminists? Didn’t they significantly impact women’s rights in a positive way? So what happened during the decades after the suffragettes earned the women’s vote that makes feminism now so unappealing?

I’ve never been concerned with media’s representation of physical beauty.  I’m smart enough to know I’m an individual and I don’t have to have full hair, flawless skin and perfect proportions in order to contribute to society.  In my opinion my life’s contributions have been more significant than those of the model on the front cover of Vogue, though the model might disagree.  Because I’ve never been concerned with emulating models and actors, I’ve had no interest in feminism as defined by me.

Here’s what sparked my feminist paradigm shift:  The CFO of Facebook started a movement called Ban Bossy- in which she wants to remind people that a powerful woman, a woman strong enough to lead, should not be described as “bossy.”  If you think about it “bossy” really is a term used only to describe women; when was the last time you heard someone refer to a man as “bossy?”

Ban Bossy really resonates with me.  I’ve been called bossy on several occasions by friends and family, most of the time it’s done in a friendly-joking (i.e. passive-aggressive) sort of way.  But am I really “bossy,” or do I just take the initiative to lead, and am I brave enough to share my ideas and opinions with people?  Should I be labeled as “bossy” because of that?  If my greatest skill is leadership, or project management, or change management should I temper my skills in order to ensure I am not labeled as “bossy?” 

The fact that I may be willing to downplay my greatest contribution to my team in order to avoid a certain label really resonated with me.  I consider myself a strong woman, but if I am willing to conceal my greatest skill in order to be viewed as submissive and not bossy, then I may be too concerned with satisfying societal expectations for woman.

Ban Bossy made me realize the feminist fight penetrates beyond the skin, and into the very definition of our personal selves.  I feel I need to reevaluate my internal reactions to subliminal criticism and ensure I am myself, 100% of the time.  This paradigm shift has impacted my perception of feminism; maybe feminism isn’t just dressed up in combat boots and unruly hair, but can also be displayed in a conference room when a female refuses to succumb to specific labels, and confidently suggests a process change.