Dear Popo:
First off, why would anyone collect Jason masks? I’m glad you jotted down the license plate. I’m beginning to think Portland really is turning in to Portlandia, what with the possible public-transport masturbator, the facemask collectors and the stupid f’n fireworks that are still going off all hours of the night in “celebration” of the 4th of July.
Really quickly, because this is not the topic of my letter, but why do we choose to celebrate our independence by replicating sounds of war? I bet all those veterans with PTSD hate this time of year, just as much as Eli and I do. It seems like the 4th could be better spent, than blowing-up loud, unsafe, pollutants and possibly burning your eyebrows off.
I actually want to tell you about our night last night. We finally completed our last Foundations Class and have graduated from the DHS program. Once our homestudy is completed this month, we will be a certified Foster/Adoptive Family. We had been putting off taking the last class for several months. In fact, we completed the other 7 way back in April. But going to the classes was becoming more and more laborious for multiple reasons:
1.) Depending on which instructor you get (there are only two) you either have to wade through a thick Spanish accent, or you have to put-up with long bull-shit ridden stories about children in custody and life experiences. I actually really like the woman with the accent. She stays on track, answers questions fully and leaves her personal life out of it. However, Dustin has trouble understanding her. I do not like the other woman. She spends at least five minutes of every class complaining about how she isn’t given enough time to get through all of the material. But half of her class is just her talking about her experiences, both personal and work related. We had to sit through her class last night and heard the following stories:
a.) She is so addicted to Dr. Pepper that when she tried to stop drinking cold-turkey, she suffered flu like symptoms and was bedridden for five days. (Sometimes, my mind has trouble shutting my mouth before I speak. While she was telling the story I actually asked “seriously, how much Dr. Pepper are you drinking?” Everyone laughed; she didn’t answer. I take that to mean the story was a bit exaggerated.)
b.) She knew a woman who tried to nap with her 3-year old foster son and fell asleep. He wasn’t tired, so he escaped the bedroom, escaped the house, walked to the truck, opened the door, climbed in, put the car in reverse, accidently fell out and his head was run over by the front wheel. He apparently survived, but he is severely brain damaged. Possible morals of this story: Don’t ever sleep with children in the house, or if you must sleep, restrain the child; or Always keep the car door locked. (Now, picture this actually happening. A three-year old boy was able to get out of the house, figure out how to climb into a truck, figure out how to put the car in reverse, then somehow fell out of the car face forward under the wheel? It seems to me if a child fell out of a moving truck they would have gone out sideways and maybe their feet would have been run over….if this incident actually occurred it’s a one in a million thing and really sharing the story was pointless).
2.) The people who attend these classes range from normal with above-average intelligence (like us) to crazy ex-drug users trying to redeem themselves in the eyes of the Lord. To me, those people seem to be looking for a way to get what they consider to be ‘easy money.’ Maybe they have felonies and can’t get jobs, so instead they turn to fostering, knowing they’ll get paid. Last night we ran into our first mentally stunted couple. We’ve concluded they are mentally challenged, but there is a possibility they could be current drug users. Their clothes were dirty and it looked like they weren’t 100% into personal hygiene. It was also unclear to me if they eat regularly because the two of them ate half of a big tub of watermelon all by themselves. When they heard we were graduating they wanted to talk to us about the process and we chatted with them a little before class. It turns out they already have an 11-year old biological son, but the other day they were watching KOIN and saw a special on Wednesday’s Child (extra marketing for children available for adoption). They decided to pursue adoption solely due to the television show. I actually thought they were cute to begin with, and felt sorry for when thinking about how their adoption worker is going to have to tell them they won’t qualify. But then, class started and the farts began. The woman farted so loud I thought she had sharted. The first one was a little funny and I was embarrassed for her. But by the 10th one, I was disgusted. Then they started to stink. Dustin leaned over to me at one point and said “I’m fairly certain I’m going to get pink-eye.” (I will never again fart in public; I have learned my lesson.)
3.) Because most people are pursuing Foster and not Adoption, about 70% of the classes we take are specific to fostering. Once we have a placement you are considered Foster Parents for the first year before the adoption is finalized, so these are things we probably should know. But it’s easy to check-out when the classes don’t really apply to us. Some of the information is very informative and interesting. But last night part of the class felt like being a High School Health class, because we were informed on the negative effects of meth in adults. What that has to do with children…..I’m still not sure.
Love,
Kiki
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