Recently a Facebook friend conscientiously shared an article
about Present Parenting. Apparently, in
order to be a successful (present) parent you can NEVER sleep train your child. I read the article twice, and double checked
the credentials of the writer. Her
picture depicts a happy, health, beautiful young woman. Her bio indicates she is a woman who likes tattoos
and naps, oh and is also the mother of five-year old twins. She didn’t personally offer any research to
back up her argument that children shouldn’t be sleep trained, but she imbedded
links that took you to articles where other authors had outlined research which would
support her stance. Because this wasn’t
what one would call a “neutral” perspective, she did not provide any links to
articles (research) for the opposition.
It appears the author also has no educational background
which would make her an expert on the effects of sleep training, and her only
experience relates to her twins. So
basically, she is totally qualified to parent-shame the rest of us.
In reading the article the author refers to a medical
practice where the leading physician supposedly recommends that you start sleep
training a child at 8 weeks. According
to the author, the doctor directs that you place the baby in their crib at 7pm,
then return to the room at 7am. This is
all of the information the author provides, as the recommendation was not given
to her directly. In fact, the physician in question had given the
recommendation to another author who already wrote a piece on the issue.
In that article the author (the one with firsthand
experience) explained that the decision to support sleep training at 8 weeks
was reportedly slowly determined over several decades of pediatric care this
physician, and his residents, had provided.
It was his experience that around 8 weeks of age babies are sleeping 6-8
hour stretches and asking them to sleep an additional 6-4 hours isn’t
unreasonable.
Personally, I do not agree with asking a baby to sleep (or
be alone) for 12 hours straight. However, I think that 6-8 hours is reasonable
once your baby is on a fairly consistent eating schedule. But I realize this is MY OPINION and should
not be thrust upon every parent and or every baby.
In my personal experience, at eight weeks my baby has some
nights where she will sleep for seven hours before needing to eat, other times
she only sleeps four. For me, getting up
to breastfeed after only four hours of sleep is not a problem. However, that’s because my baby generally
goes back to sleep quickly after eating.
In addition, I know that when she wakes again, it’s Dad’s turn to get up
and feed her. So, there isn’t much stress attached to my baby’s sleeping
schedule and at this juncture I don’t see a need to train her to sleep longer stretches.
The first author mentioned above, noted in her article that
it’s not “brave” or “gutsy” to attempt to sleep train your baby. This is because sleep training is only done
by parents who are selfish and may not have realized how demanding babies can
be. It’s more “brave” to actually listen
to your baby “I mean really listen” (because apparently most parents only
partially listen…) and respond every time they cry.
I have a friend whose baby never slept more than two hours
at a time and once the baby was awake it would take her several hours to get
back to sleep. Because of this schedule
the baby was cranky all of the time, as were her parents. They turned to their doctor for advice, who
referred them to the Ferber Method (allowing a child to cry themselves to
sleep) – and this worked for them. But
it was initally very hard for my friend to commit to the Ferber Method.
She had many failed attempts because she couldn’t stand to think that
her child might be suffering. I commend
her for her bravery and would never shame her for this. They are now a much happier family.
Every parent knows that parenting is VERY hard. We probably spend more time doubting our
methods then we do embracing them. I don’t
know what the future holds for my family, and whether we might have to use the
Ferber Method at some point. But if we
do, I would hope my friends (Facebook and otherwise) would provide moral
support and not be judgmental or critical.
I don’t want to have to isolate myself due to fear of being publically
(or privately) shamed for my parenting decisions.
Just for some extra fun – here are some titles from other
articles this author has written:
Kim Kardashian’s Push Present Request is Way Over the Top
Kylie Jenner’s Snapchat Shows How Hurt She is Over Her
Breakup
Model Loses Thousands of Followers When She Posts These Ugly
Selfies
